For almost 15 years now I have been writing what my heart has pondered, pursued, and even kept private. Two published works of poetry that was more of a shock than I could express; yet an expression of hope that I attempted to share of God’s unique handiwork. I never thought writing would be something I’d even CARE to do; since my english and grammer grades were average or below. Yet, here I am again doing what I quietly LOVE to do.
Why am I writing though? What in the world could I have to say, that anyone would care to want to read? I’m ordinary, I’m not popular, I don’t have many talents people “Oooo” over….I’m not anymore famous or liked for even being on Wheel of Fortune! Didn’t know that did ya?? 🙂 But for whatever the reason (I believe only God really knows), I still am writing feverishly. I can’t seem to quit and frankly, the more fired up I get over negative responses, the more I realize I’m meant to continue!
Giving your heart to God in your own, human frailty of words is tough because in those cases; truly God only knows what those words mean and your intentions are. We can try to explain it deeply, plainly or even systematically; and still the human mind and emotions won’t get what God gets from it! My heart is my heart and YOU don’t know what is in there and no one close to me truly knows it all (even Amber)….ONLY GOD KNOWS! So again I ask the question….why am I writing? If no one will see the real intentions all the time, why continue getting mixed emotions, defensive responses, and judgmental conclusions? The reason: I don’t care.
Now again, before your eye brows lower and your neck hairs stand up due to your blood pressures….I’m not saying about you personally that I don’t care; I’m say I don’t care about how these make you feel. If the words I write and you read willingly strike a cord in you….then ask God why it does and not specifically ME first! I am NOT afraid nor never will be to ruffle your feathers with my reasoning to write. I might come across crass, or even teeter-totter on inappropriate to you and even Christ Himself would think that….but He’s my judge and convictor, not my readers. I want to write about the topics and deep convictions that others are afraid to tackle or admit or even repent of! If my blogs, poems or straight words convict or stir your heart; then let JESUS take that and work inside you! Why are they stirring you??
But let’s also tackle the obvious as well….I write openly to God and to others to admit my human frailty and how Jesus is still working hard even in the dedicated hearts for His kingdom like I am trying to! It’s not a counseling session being requested or even an admittance for conviction thru a Pharisee’s eyes! It’s me being real, unhidden, an exposed purely to God for His glory….not mine!
Misinterpretation is expected. I understand that. Just understand as a writer, the reactions I pray for…the change of a heart I pray for…and the scale removal from your eyes as followers of Christ I demand. Scripture isn’t fluffy and candy coated and neither am I. In LOVE….I will do my best to open many eyes to different sides of the fence for Jesus Christ. Each time someone gets bothered by my words I hope they can see what Jesus is trying to tell them….not over-analize me.
Why am I writing? Because I don’t want my life to be forgotten when Jesus calls me home if it’s before we all do whom He has called. I want to be honest before my God, my family and my friends that God’s word is no joke. We’ve changed it way too much over the years to our liking and taken the emphasis off of real calls for obedience by Jesus Christ! Two Scriptures I try HARD to live by is:
1 John 4:17-19 NLT
“And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.”
The second one is:
Revelation 3:15-16 NLT
“I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!”
I want to be confident in what I’ve attempted to do for Him. I don’t want to be lukewarm anymore….I’ve been that way too long and you probably have too! Oh yeah?? Don’t believe that? When is the last time you loves the least of these as if it was Jesus Himself? I can’t answer that consistently and neither can you….if you think so, than you probably also believe you tithe the way Jesus would want you too huh??
Mark 12:41-44 NLT
Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins. Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on.”
Here’s the bottom line:
Romans 3:23 NLT
“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”
Holding one another accountable is a good Godly practice; IF it’s done in LOVE. Calling someone out personally is not helpful or healthy. Calling them out privately should be the right practice because love is at the foundation of the intent. But remember this fact:
Period….and if your heart is on God’s plan for your life, He will bless you. God is your creator and guide; not the opinions of others….including MINE. 🙂
So why am I writing you this even now? Because YOU, the curious reader was led to this blog entry for a reason and I PRAY that reason is found out through these words I write. God will do WHATEVER it takes to reach your heart for Him to love…even if it’s by reading this nobody bugman’s blog….. 🙂