I had an Affair….

Hello, my name is Chad Taylor, best known as a Bugman, father, husband and pastor….and I am admitting to having an affair.

Now before you chuck the stones at me that so many Christians do when they see another person in BIG SIN. I’m telling you that I have given myself to another….away from the love of my life.  I have spat in the face of the love I have had.  I have disrespected the sacrifices made in my behalf throughout the last few years.  I have chosen a path of lesser resistance and more  than what I have been recently given or accepted.

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This scene from The Matrix is a perfect illustration of how the devil tempts us with the choice EVERYDAY to choose Jesus or the world.  The Green pill is the world and the Red pill is the blood of Jesus.  The green pill seems to be the most appealing to our eyes because the red pill is too simple, literal, and purposeful.  The green pill, as the world describes, is whatever we desire to have with no limits to where it’ll take us.   The green pill can been seen, touched, and heard; the red pill can only been experienced through real love and faith.

It’s been too easy, even for me, to enjoy the pleasures of the affair.  The offer is on the table every, single day; anytime and anywhere I can go get some comfort for my heart.  Trying to embrace the faith has been tough….so much pain and so much confusion and so little relief.  There is no effort needed to enjoy the world’s lures.  Going to church makes my eyes wonder more towards those who act, than those who worship.  Seeing what others are paying attention to:  the songs and sermons or their phones or their groans.

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I’m more frustrated at the fakes and those who sit around just reading Scriptures while telling stories about someone else’s slate.  Yet all the while in hidden secret, I wrestle with the affair that my heart is keeping fluent in my hypocrite’s meekness.  Wanting so much while not doing enough, my lips spread the hatred of this sin’s frequent-ness.

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I am having an affair and it’s been going on my whole life….but the worst of it had been the past 21 years.  You see, I myself,  and everyone who is a Christian, at some point of their life if not most of it entirely, is having an affair….on Jesus Christ.  Think about it….as the picture above illustrates,  our heart is put back together piece by piece when Jesus is welcomed into our hearts ceremoniously.  Without Him we are cheating on Him but don’t acknowledge it yet.  When He’s renewing our hearts, the pieces are being put back together slowly and in HIS timing, but the last piece is for Him alone as the center.   WE, as His children, constantly choose the world’s green pill of FREE WILL over the obedience and sacrifice of His sole place as King in our lives.  We’d rather have Him AND our worldly affairs too!

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My problem is one I’d NEVER be ashamed of admitting because He knows my shames and He knows my heart.  Why hide it from others who are in need of shedding the darkness of sin too?  Expose the darkness to the light!!  The prostitute was brought before the Messiah just as she was in her sin….caught in the mist of it!   All her worst fears of exposure was laid at His feet with the “firing squad” of professed righteous others, stones in hand, to kill her for what she’s been STILL doing after she knew of Jesus’ existence!

Check it out:

John 8:3-4, 6-11 NLT

As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”  Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

All of us….all of our baggage and all.of our desires of the flesh and sin….NO CONDEMNATION!  Why are so many of Jesus’ followers so spiteful and so Pharisitical to condemn believers wanting to come free of the affair??  I’ve been in it long enough and I’m ready to get serious with my Jesus!  I have chosen so much lesser things with temporary pleasure than Him.  I have placed my own desires of a career in vocational ministry higher than the ministry He wants me to be in at Terminix.  I have cheated others in an opportunity for seeing Jesus through me because of my affair with my own emotions over Jesus’ opportunities for witness.

Has your job taken precedence over your calling for REAL discipleship?

Does your career steal Christ’s spot in your heart as the center of your life?

I have allowed Satan to steal my purpose and feed my affair with “the church” instead of deepen my love for Jesus.  I have enticed my mind on the clutter of other Christian’s attempt of devotion to Christ instead of sacrificing my own failures at the cross for repentance. I have invested more time into the issues of His church than into Him Himself.  I have conformed to the lazier, sugar-coated, concise version of Jesus that many churches have made that fit a mold that THEY want.  The Jesus-in-a-box mentality.

Billy Graham in his devotional Hope for Each Daysays this on Christmas Day:

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We fit Him in when it is convenient for us, but we become irritated when He makes demands on us.”  Demands on us as a whole that can change the world if we only quit asking the world’s permission to speak for Him!  Jesus’ impact on this world will always be limited because WE limit our boldness to speak the truth of His word….literally!

What part of this don’t you get??

Revelation 3:1-3 NLT

“Write this letter to the angel of the church in Sardis. This is the message from the one who has the sevenfold Spirit of God and the seven stars: “I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive—but you are dead.  Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God.  Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief.”

My boldness as of late has made many people uncomfortable and even questioning my intentions, heart, and marriage!  Some even so called best friends we entrusted with our home and our hearts, disowned us because I was man enough to admit I have a struggle with lust.  A struggle….not a STRONGHOLD!  To me, that means that I’m like ALL other humans in that I have struggles, and I lack a perfect behavior for a perfect Savior.   Who doesn’t??

Telling other Brothers & Sisters in Christ your struggles brings about a temptation for those who hold that vulnerability of others; to use that against them to cover their responsibility to their own struggles. In doing this they typically bring condemnation to those they’ve heard the hearts of because they don’t have the same grace that Jesus gives.  It’s not possible for us to not judge others because of our flesh.

But….I

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Even if my heart has struggled with the temptations of my eyes, I love my wife more today than ever because she has given me the closest resemblance of Jesus’ grace than anyone.  I’m not afraid to admit my faults and short comings.  I am not afraid to say aloud to Jesus and any other Christian that I am weak,  but my Jesus is strong.  Jesus is my purpose for this life I live.  I may not live as even scripture encourages us to live;  but with every breath I have my heart longs to be as close to it as I can.

I have had an affair on all who I love here on earth.  I have chosen to love other things and people, give my heart to them and invest more emotionally in other people at times more than my wife, my daughter and my immediate family.  I have given my heart away to many people and things that have stomped and beaten it, causing me deep scars….the lessons have been tough.  I have even had an affair with the value of life itself….sitting numerous times with my life in the balance of not wanting to go on.  Temptations knife sitting close by with the whispers of failure mimicking my ears. Each time though, I remember the one I’ve hurt sitting closer to me and reminding me of His love….

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Each and every day I fail Him in some way.  You do as well if you’re honest.  We chose the lesser obedience and enjoy temporarily the moment of free will’s enticement.  Yet the deeper part of your soul, designed by God for God,  yearns for a satisfaction that only Christ can fulfill.   The last piece of your heart that is crafted just for Jesus, yet we try to force everything else in.  We continue to have affairs on our creator and our sustainer.  Even worse….when we state we live and accept Him into our hearts, cheating on Him afterward hurts more.

So if you’re reading this….prayerfully reading this with an open and convicted heart, why do you have the affair?  Why do you daily convince yourself that what your doing for Jesus is alright when we KNOW His word says more?  Why when people boldly point out Jesus to us in one way or another….we get angry at them?  Especially when in our heart we know it’s TRUE?  Jesus wants our whole heart….wants our whole devotion….wants His love to reign supreme in us to others.

Why do you cheat Him?

Why do the motions only satisfy your witness and not the cultivation through the scars??

Hello,  my name is Chad Taylor and I had an affair on my Jesus.  But I am best known to Jesus as His son whom He loves.  To the world I am a bugman, father, husband and even a failing pastor;  but to Him whom I follow….I AM FORGIVEN AND LOVED FOREVER.

Are you?

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Church Bullies

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Back in the early nineties when I was still in high school, before bullying even became a major issue, I was a victim of bullying. Now before you start laughing trying to not think about the fact that I just said “early 90s“, I think we all at some point in our lives can relate to the bullying issue.  At my best remembrance, I was most likely bullied because I was not the most popular kid. “The jocks”, and “The punks”, we’re the ones that seem to get me the most.

Guys waiting in the corners of hallways on each side until I pass through grabbing me by my hands in my legs and straddling me over a door divider to hurt my genital area. Situations where I couldn’t go to my car after school without a group of five or more wanting to beat me up, or try to damage my car before I left the parking lot.  Multiple emotional and physical abuse that I endured, leaving me with the notion that I can truly empathize for those who are being bullied today. With this new generation and it’s seemingly unlimited resources for bullying,  many kids and even adults are still feeling the wrath.

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I truly worried for my daughter when she gets older. To know that she will easily be a target of bullying, makes my skin crawl and my heart break. But ultimately, how can we truly change the pattern of this way? With so many new organizations and anti-bully rallies, and things all over the country that are focusing on bullying; what role can the church play in this? And better yet, is the church exempt from such an act?

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It’s even hard to type….but NO the church isn’t exempt from bullying, in fact, the church isn’t seen as a place where even bullying statistics have been made yet; but it’s presence is still felt among members of Christ’s body. How do you recognize a bully within the church?  What’s the reasoning behind their bullying?  Does your witness bully others??  To truly understand this within the church, let’s look at bullies around when Jesus walked the earth.

By this time the crowd, unwieldy and stepping on each other’s toes, numbered into the thousands. But Jesus’ primary concern was his disciples. He said to them, “Watch yourselves carefully so you don’t get contaminated with Pharisee yeast, Pharisee phoniness. You can’t keep your true self hidden forever; before long you’ll ever; before long you’ll be exposed. You can’t hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known. You can’t whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public; the day’s coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town.
“I’m speaking to you as dear friends. Don’t be bluffed into silence or insincerity by the threats of religious bullies. True, they can kill you, but then what can they do? There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.

Luke 12:1-6 The Message

Religious bullies as it was interpreted in Jesus’s day, to be the leaders and Pharisees who challenged Him and muttered their take on the law against Him.  Today those people would be considered ones in the church that make God’s house a business venture, a social club, a rhetorical dog-n-pony show; even a home for Pharisitical hypocrites and not a restoration for sinners.

No matter if you attend a mega church or a small town, country church;  bullies can be found everywhere.  Some of them may be this way due to habits or how they’ve been raised.  Some may watch from up close to make sure what happens in God’s house is just like how grandma and grandpa used to run it.  Others take a more higher,  Pharisitical role shoving their take on scripture down our throats in a non-loving, judgmental way.

Is this truly how Jesus dealt with our mistakes?  Our imperfections and lukewarmness??  He verbally shown His displeasure with the graceless Pharisees:

Matthew 12:1-8 NLT

At about that time Jesus was walking through some grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, so they began breaking off some heads of grain and eating them. But some Pharisees saw them do it and protested, “Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath.” Jesus said to them, “Haven’t you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry?  He went into the house of God, and he and his companions broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests are allowed to eat.  And haven’t you read in the law of Moses that the priests on duty in the Temple may work on the Sabbath?  I tell you, there is one here who is even greater than the Temple!  But you would not have condemned my innocent disciples if you knew the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’  For the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!”

Matthew 16:11-12 NLT

“Why can’t you understand that I’m not talking about bread? So again I say, ‘Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.’” Then at last they understood that he wasn’t speaking about the yeast in bread, but about the deceptive teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

A disciple of Jesus Christ desires to serve out of LOVE, not out of obligation or a feeling of stature. Jesus told the disciples that they were different than the world:

Matthew 20:25-28 NLT

But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.  But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant,  and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave.  For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

The key here that people in the church who come across as bullies need to GIVE THEIR LIVES….yet if your heart is more tuned to prove a point than prove His love….your witness is flawed.  Love one another, just as I have loved you… doesn’t mean you run the Sunday worship YOUR WAY.  It doesn’t mean the church kitchen is YOURS and the style if worship has to be the only way YOU like!  Just because you have been given a blessing of substantial finances and give more than 10% of it to the church doesn’t make YOU call more shots about how the church money is used!  Your head is in the wrong game!! It’s not about you and your wants, your traditions, your style and YOUR JESUS!

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This is what I believe truly Jesus meant when He said, “…the rulers of this world lord it over their people.”  We’re God’s children and His people….not yours.   Bullies of His house aren’t going to lead this millennial generation to a loving Jesus this way….His people need to quit hating and bickering over pointless things and JUST LOVE ONE ANOTHER LIKE JESUS!

In my opinion, the greatest example ever given to us have service hood and love is when Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. Imagine it, Jesus comes into this room seen by so many as a great and wonderful Messiah, the King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, the Son of God. All those who look upon Him, had those deep inner chills, and the tingles upon their skin as they watched in awe each time that He opened His mouth to speak. But in this case, He didn’t speak at all. He quietly came in as all the other disciples were talking amongst themselves, and began to take off His robe. Over on a nearby table was a pitcher of water, & a pail; He reached over and grabbed both and proceeded to go to the head of the table where He then knelt down on His hands and knees and began to unlace the very nasty, dirt-clotted, fecal smelling, sandals of the first disciple, and then the next.

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Humility comes in many different shapes and forms. When we think about that night and what Jesus sacrificed with the disciples and washing their feet; was something no one could imagine. The Son of God? Washing the most nastiest part of the human body at that time? And He tells us to do the same?? How does that reciprocate today?  This is the part of Jesus Christ that many bullies within the church miss. Because it’s not about the materialistic, the traditional, the “way it’s always been”, what’s sin someone is doing that is the most gossiped about….it is much more then any of that!

Bullies only care about pushing their own agenda, they don’t care about submitting to the agenda of Christ!  So I have to say in conclusion to this blog is this: bullies need to be loved. Bullies need to realize that there’s something tragically missing in their hearts. Bullies need to understand that there is a God that love them enough, to also send His Son Jesus for them!  Whatever unresolved issues that you have not dealt with in your heart before God and His throne, you need to realize that that is real obedience. That’s admittance and humility is real servanthood. And when you’re ready, there’s thousands of feet that need to be washed and that are dying in this world…. Look beyond your own skin, and give them the real Jesus Christ!

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Dear Mom….

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Where do I even start?….it’s been almost a year now since we’ve spoke last.  Wish I could remember all the details that even made our relationship mute for this long.   I’m sure as it always is, our disagreement was probably stupid in nature and a waste of exertion; yet here we are still not speaking. You might be thinking to yourself,  “If you hate us not talking so bad, why don’t you just apologize and talk again….”  It’s not that easy this time.

We’ve fought a lot over our lives and I tend to think that since we are both stubborn and passionate people that that is the reason why we are at this point.  However,  as I have grown in my walk with the Lord, I feel my boundary to my heart needed to be strengthened.  Since my Chrysalis walk in 1993, you know how much I’ve wanted you to experience a relationship with Jesus Christ as I have since.   Yet, for whatever reason,  there has never been any heart penetration of Jesus into your life from my walk.

You’ve been through a lot mom….I know this,  you express this; yet for all these years we haven’t been able to get beyond the bitterness you feel.  I say you feel mom because I have no bitterness.  I have forgiven you for any thing past and present.  Though my heart is sad without you in it, I also know that I am not mad or bitter towards you for anything.

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I wish I understood why your bitterness has grown so deep. Our times together seemed to be growing, positively in the direction that could possibly have last.  Why did my accomplishment in writing of poetry about how God has brought me through things in life, had to have made you so upset? I know that you say that I am lying in those words, but if you only read the whole picture mom, you’d see that I have learned a lot from our experiences. But instead you assumed the worst. You belittled my talents, and made light of the fact that I was doing that work, in hopes to make you proud.

What hurts my heart the most, is that is not even the main reason that I felt that I had to bring closure to our relationship for a time. It was the fact that you spoke so negatively about people that I love, no matter what your experience with them was!  That was my opinion, my feelings, my heart; NOT YOURS!  Choosing to love them as well as you, doesn’t make them more important than you, it just makes me share the love for them just as much as I would anybody. Tom has been dead over 7 years, was my step dad for at least 10 years of my life, I had a right to write a poem about how he made me feel, and how much I would miss him!  And Uncle Bob?? I hardly ever see the man, and you spoke of him like he was the plague! Which leaves me to conclude about this; there will never be nothing that you say that will ever make me love them or dislike them any less….period.

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So here we are at almost a year….Thanksgiving already past and Christmas a few days ahead….I miss my mom….not the bitter one who hates so much; but the mom who has loved me even though I’ve failed.   Who has supported me when I’ve needed her and shown a fun and playful personality that is so much fun to be around.  I miss the mom that spoke so deeply about family traditions, not this one who has wrote us off over such stupid things.

It’s quite sad that I can hear your voice in my head spouting off the sarcasm of defensiveness that you’d likely make upon knowing my feelings.  No I’m sorry….so I was wrong….not even a I miss you.  That’s what makes this reality even tougher….to know my wishes for us can’t happen by my doing.  I have laid you at His feet mom….His unconditional and forgiving feet….why won’t you accept Him too??

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He, like I, want to just be able to love you without condition or without doubt.  Until He sees fit….we’ll continue to wait and pray…..wait and pray….for your heart to embrace His.  Maybe then we can love together the greatest example of love to others….It’s up to His will for us….not ours.

Love Always Your Son,
Chad
(John 8:32)

DONE

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My breaking point has hit. My emotions are darn near numb. And frankly I don’t have much fight left in me at this point. All that I’ve done in my life has been out of love and whatever way it’s been expressed. I have had a ton of mistakes that I’ve made. I’ve lost many relationships, friends, jobs, all the like. For once in my life I feel like I have a voice that’s worth being listened to, and in just a mere less than two weeks I have felt more pain in my heart that I have in months. I am constantly weak, I am physically and emotionally tired, and spiritually….I’ve grown, yet I’m extremely frustrated.

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I now more than ever know what it feels like to be in the shoes of people like Peter, Paul, David, John, and even leaders after them.  To have someone love Jesus, and be still a struggling Center in this world, makes you the greatest and most intractable target to anyone around you. “This guy here claims to have the Son of man on his side, let’s take and make him feel like crap so we don’t have to worry about ours!”  “How dare this man that claims to love Jesus, struggle and sin with such great things? Shouldn’t he be perfect? Or at least close to it??”

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I already abused myself, I feel way less than worthy, and completely understand why I can’t have a church of my own. But to constantly hear, and be seen as not able to handle doing such work in a church?  I get the picture, and you don’t have to say it to me anymore.  I hear the whispers, I see the looks, I noticed the avoidances, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that I am an uncomfortable person to be around.

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Because the way that I respond and act around ladies, I’ve made plenty of people upset, uncomfortable and I understand that.  I also understand that understanding who I am as a person is a lot harder to do then to be my friend. I guess I really do need to take some advice at some point and get help, but if God is the help I’ve been seeking and nothing has happened thus far, who really is going to be able to help me….an equally sinful man? Someone that’s not any better than I am? Don’t get me wrong its not that I’m saying that egotistically, but I already know what I need to do, have been working very hard to do it, but obviously from everyone’s reactions lately, I’m nowhere near it yet.

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So I am done. Done with the drama. Done with the judgment. Done with the crassness. Done with feeling like I am NOT worth a pot to piss in. So for all of you that do actually still read this blog or actually come across this blog since I’m not publicly posting it, all those pictures that I am showing on this blog is how I feel. No more, no less.

I don’t care if you find them inappropriate, or vulgar, or gross, or sexist, whatever! This blog in general, is for me to tell you, whoever the reader is, that I’m checking out personally and socially….for a while.  So with that proclamation….here’s to ya!

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Psalms 12:3 NLT

May the lord cut off their flattering lips and silence their boastful tongues.

Psalms 31:18 NLT

Silence their lying lips— those proud and arrogant lips that accuse the godly.

Psalms 94:17 NLT

Unless the lord had helped me, I would soon have settled in the silence of the grave.

Psalms 143:12 NLT

In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

OP-“SIN”-IONS Do Hurt…..

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“A belief or judgment, that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty;” that’s an opinion.

“….to offend against a principle, standard, etc;” that’s the action tense of SIN.

” To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration….to have as an opinion or assumption;” that’s judging.

Each one of these words or descriptions within the last 2 weeks have been used towards me in responses to my bold blog on the misuse of yoga pants, especially with Christian women.  In many ways the comments were hard not to take personally or even negatively about my purpose for writing.  Yet, now looking back and even still continually getting comments, I wouldn’t change anything because I know that God desires His children to respect who they are IN HIM more than the world’s acceptance.

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I guess I could say I’m tired….tired of seeing how God’s children, myself included, have been abused, manipulated, and led to a sense of hope in a hollow shell of media’s lies.  The more I sit in different churches and listen to different stories about Jesus, their church and what they feel witnessing is; the more unbearable it becomes inside for me.  THIS IS NOT WHAT GOD HAD CALLED US TO BE!!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t sit in all churches and point out their annoyances to me; however as I have been earnestly trying to become more intimate with my Savior, the more I feel obligated (as we all should) to say something about what I’m seeing.  I have been ordained, or “chosen” so-to-speak by God to be His minister towards others.  I don’t want to waist a breath or a word on any useless things that won’t help others find eternal life through Jesus!  I’ve been disliked and ignored by many from my blog entries (personal opinions) and yes, I don’t expect to reach everyone. Yet I cannot keep living silently when Christ has made it abundantly clear the time is drawing near!  Sorry hard-headed peeps, this mouth isn’t meant to shut, just for you to listen openly and examine your heart.

And as far as yoga pants, leggings,  short shorts or mini-skirts go….

Bottom line:  I believe, as scripture is taught, that we are to carry ourselves as Jesus Christ here on earth.  If you carry Him in your heart and desire to serve Him ABOVE ALL ELSE, than an scripture says,

“And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

AS WELL AS MEN by,

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.” (Ephesians 4:20-24)

When it is scripture based, yet emotionally driven, there is a reason to look deeper at the individual responses based on defensiveness.  It isn’t me bringing about the judgment necessarily; it might just be the Holy Spirit…..

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The above picture might sound a little harsh, but let me reassure you that it is the truth. Even as I type this blog, everything that I put in it I’m responsible for. It’s driven with a purpose, it’s said out of the most love that I can give, but how you interpret it, or accept it, or even deny it, is your choice and personal understanding, not mine. This is what makes this such unique individuals, such unique children of God.

If we were to step back for a moment, and look over our words very carefully, we would see what the underlining belief system of our heart is. Lets take abortion for example; millions of people believe that it’s okay to kill another life. Then one starts to question, what constitutes a life? What stage does the life begin? As a Christian, we need to consider carefully what we know based upon Scripture.  We are to take a stance for such things. If I say that I also agree that abortion is good especially for someone who is a rape victim and a child is born out of that, then what am I really saying my belief through Jesus Christ is?

Consider this:

Psalms 139:15 NLT

“You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.”

If we were told in the Ten Commandments that “You shall not kill,” and in this Psalm David is expressing to God his understanding of God’s omnipotence with the statement,  “You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion….”  how would you as the reader, interpret when life begins from that verse? If you were to see the literalness that David is speaking, in conjunction with the claim that abortion is wrong due to the killing of an unborn child, then this Scripture alone would validate your belief and reasoning for it. If you can look at Scripture, see the truth within it, and still choose to hold an opinion or judgment on a topic that does not correlate with what God speaks and expects, then are you really truly following His will?  Being His example to others, even if the truth is painful?

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If you noticed the title of this blog then you know that I am proposing that some opinions might be sinful based, and then in turn hurt. But what does that mean when you think of that? Am I trying to say that your opinion is sin? Absolutely not! What I’m trying to tell you is that in your opinion, I think it all depends on where that opinion is based and comes from. Certain opinions that you hold, are held highly and precise and some are just slightly and beside. All of this stems from your passion for the topic…..in my opinion. 😉

Whether you are a devoted reader of His word, part-time prayer or even a cross wearing once-a-week Christian you develop your belief in what you’ve seen, heard, or experienced.  The reason that Jesus hasn’t been as dominant in the news or as pressed forward as like gay rights is that we’ve made the word we read of His bent to our comfort level.  Bent to where the society tolerates us….translated into the non-offensive words of discipleship, not the literal, controversial, fear (in respect)driven commands in love that Jesus spoke and God demands.

Whether you openly admit it or not, you view Jesus like this…a cheesy joke (almost).  Jesus is someone who saves you by grace right?   So it doesn’t matter how your mind thinks or how you act in public or how your heart responds to a need….?

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Romans 6:1-2, 7, 10, 12-14 NLT

Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it? For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.

Sure, I again admit and know we are all not perfect. Living up to God’s real and holy and literal standards is tough. Especially in a world that is saturated with sin and lust and everything that is evil. But why put anything that you know hints to evil, above the sanctions and requirements that God expects of us as His children?  This is why I believe many opinions are SIN rooted if not handled in a LOVING and Christ-Centered way.

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My fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to finish this race strong!

2 Timothy 4:7 NLT

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.

To deny the urges that the world gives us to sugar coat, and water down the gospel. I urge you to love boldly and to give grace willingly as you yourself have been given grace by Jesus. We need to love one another, the way God intended His Son to show us love while He was here on earth. I don’t want to start any arguments. I don’t want to cause any bad feelings. I just want more than anything to let everybody know that I am just as human as you are, but desire to be Christ-like so much, that I’m willing to boldly say anything needed to make Jesus be the center of focus, and not this world.

“All to Jesus I surrender, ALL TO HIM I FREELY GIVE. ….”

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Why Am I Writing….?

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For almost 15 years now I have been writing what my heart has pondered, pursued, and even kept private.  Two published works of poetry that was more of a shock than I could express;  yet an expression of hope that I attempted to share of God’s unique handiwork.   I never thought writing would be something I’d even CARE to do; since my english and grammer grades were average or below.  Yet, here I am again doing what I quietly LOVE to do.

Why am I writing though?  What in the world could I have to say,  that anyone would care to want to read?   I’m ordinary, I’m not popular, I don’t have many talents people “Oooo” over….I’m not anymore famous or liked for even being on Wheel of Fortune!   Didn’t know that did ya?? 🙂  But for whatever the reason (I believe only God really knows), I still am writing feverishly. I can’t seem to quit and frankly, the more fired up I get over negative responses,  the more I realize I’m meant to continue!

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Giving your heart to God in your own,  human frailty of words is tough because in those cases;  truly God only knows what those words mean and your intentions are.  We can try to explain it deeply, plainly or even systematically;  and still the human mind and emotions won’t get what God gets from it!   My heart is my heart and YOU don’t know what is in there and no one close to me truly knows it all (even Amber)….ONLY GOD KNOWS!  So again I ask the question….why am I writing?  If no one will see the real intentions all the time,  why continue getting mixed emotions,  defensive responses,  and judgmental conclusions?  The reasonI don’t care.

Now again,  before your eye brows lower and your neck hairs stand up due to your blood pressures….I’m not saying about you personally that I don’t care; I’m say I don’t care about how these make you feel.  If the words I write and you read willingly strike a cord in you….then ask God why it does and not specifically ME first!   I am NOT afraid nor never will be to ruffle your feathers with my reasoning to write.  I might come across crass, or even teeter-totter on inappropriate to you and even Christ Himself would think that….but He’s my judge and convictor, not my readers.  I want to write about the topics and deep convictions that others are afraid to tackle or admit or even repent of!  If my blogs, poems or straight words convict or stir your heart;  then let JESUS take that and work inside you!   Why are they stirring you??

But let’s also tackle the obvious as well….I write openly to God and to others to admit my human frailty and how Jesus is still working hard even in the dedicated hearts for His kingdom like I am trying to!  It’s not a counseling session being requested or even an admittance for conviction thru a Pharisee’s eyes!  It’s me being real, unhidden, an exposed purely to God for His glory….not mine!

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Misinterpretation is expected.   I understand that.  Just understand as a writer, the reactions I pray for…the change of a heart I pray for…and the scale removal from your eyes as followers of Christ I demand.  Scripture isn’t fluffy and candy coated and neither am I.  In LOVE….I will do my best to open many eyes to different sides of the fence for Jesus Christ.   Each time someone gets bothered by my words I hope they can see what Jesus is trying to tell them….not over-analize me.

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Why am I writing?  Because I don’t want my life to be forgotten when Jesus calls me home if it’s before we all do whom He has called.  I want to be honest before my God,  my family and my friends that God’s word is no joke.   We’ve changed it way too much over the years to our liking and taken the emphasis off of real calls for obedience by Jesus Christ!  Two Scriptures I try HARD to live by is:

1 John 4:17-19 NLT

“And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.”

The second one is:

Revelation 3:15-16 NLT

“I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other!  But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!”

I want to be confident in what I’ve attempted to do for Him.  I don’t want to be lukewarm anymore….I’ve been that way too long and you probably have too!  Oh yeah??  Don’t believe that?  When is the last time you loves the least of these as if it was Jesus Himself?  I can’t answer that consistently and neither can you….if you think so, than you probably also believe you tithe the way Jesus would want you too huh??

Mark 12:41-44 NLT

Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins. Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions.  For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on.”

Here’s the bottom line:

Romans 3:23 NLT

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”

Holding one another accountable is a good Godly practice; IF it’s done in LOVE.  Calling someone out personally is not helpful or healthy.  Calling them out privately should be the right practice because love is at the foundation of the intent.  But remember this fact:

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Period….and if your heart is on God’s plan for your life, He will bless you.  God is your creator and guide; not the opinions of others….including MINE. 🙂

So why am I writing you this even now?  Because YOU, the curious reader was led to this blog entry for a reason and I PRAY that reason is found out through these words I write.   God will do WHATEVER it takes to reach your heart for Him to love…even if it’s by reading this nobody bugman’s blog….. 🙂

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AMEN……. 😉