Hello, my name is Chad Taylor, best known as a Bugman, father, husband and pastor….and I am admitting to having an affair.
Now before you chuck the stones at me that so many Christians do when they see another person in BIG SIN. I’m telling you that I have given myself to another….away from the love of my life. I have spat in the face of the love I have had. I have disrespected the sacrifices made in my behalf throughout the last few years. I have chosen a path of lesser resistance and more than what I have been recently given or accepted.
This scene from The Matrix is a perfect illustration of how the devil tempts us with the choice EVERYDAY to choose Jesus or the world. The Green pill is the world and the Red pill is the blood of Jesus. The green pill seems to be the most appealing to our eyes because the red pill is too simple, literal, and purposeful. The green pill, as the world describes, is whatever we desire to have with no limits to where it’ll take us. The green pill can been seen, touched, and heard; the red pill can only been experienced through real love and faith.
It’s been too easy, even for me, to enjoy the pleasures of the affair. The offer is on the table every, single day; anytime and anywhere I can go get some comfort for my heart. Trying to embrace the faith has been tough….so much pain and so much confusion and so little relief. There is no effort needed to enjoy the world’s lures. Going to church makes my eyes wonder more towards those who act, than those who worship. Seeing what others are paying attention to: the songs and sermons or their phones or their groans.
I’m more frustrated at the fakes and those who sit around just reading Scriptures while telling stories about someone else’s slate. Yet all the while in hidden secret, I wrestle with the affair that my heart is keeping fluent in my hypocrite’s meekness. Wanting so much while not doing enough, my lips spread the hatred of this sin’s frequent-ness.
I am having an affair and it’s been going on my whole life….but the worst of it had been the past 21 years. You see, I myself, and everyone who is a Christian, at some point of their life if not most of it entirely, is having an affair….on Jesus Christ. Think about it….as the picture above illustrates, our heart is put back together piece by piece when Jesus is welcomed into our hearts ceremoniously. Without Him we are cheating on Him but don’t acknowledge it yet. When He’s renewing our hearts, the pieces are being put back together slowly and in HIS timing, but the last piece is for Him alone as the center. WE, as His children, constantly choose the world’s green pill of FREE WILL over the obedience and sacrifice of His sole place as King in our lives. We’d rather have Him AND our worldly affairs too!
My problem is one I’d NEVER be ashamed of admitting because He knows my shames and He knows my heart. Why hide it from others who are in need of shedding the darkness of sin too? Expose the darkness to the light!! The prostitute was brought before the Messiah just as she was in her sin….caught in the mist of it! All her worst fears of exposure was laid at His feet with the “firing squad” of professed righteous others, stones in hand, to kill her for what she’s been STILL doing after she knew of Jesus’ existence!
Check it out:
John 8:3-4, 6-11 NLT
As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
All of us….all of our baggage and all.of our desires of the flesh and sin….NO CONDEMNATION! Why are so many of Jesus’ followers so spiteful and so Pharisitical to condemn believers wanting to come free of the affair?? I’ve been in it long enough and I’m ready to get serious with my Jesus! I have chosen so much lesser things with temporary pleasure than Him. I have placed my own desires of a career in vocational ministry higher than the ministry He wants me to be in at Terminix. I have cheated others in an opportunity for seeing Jesus through me because of my affair with my own emotions over Jesus’ opportunities for witness.
Has your job taken precedence over your calling for REAL discipleship?
Does your career steal Christ’s spot in your heart as the center of your life?
I have allowed Satan to steal my purpose and feed my affair with “the church” instead of deepen my love for Jesus. I have enticed my mind on the clutter of other Christian’s attempt of devotion to Christ instead of sacrificing my own failures at the cross for repentance. I have invested more time into the issues of His church than into Him Himself. I have conformed to the lazier, sugar-coated, concise version of Jesus that many churches have made that fit a mold that THEY want. The Jesus-in-a-box mentality.
Billy Graham in his devotional Hope for Each Day, says this on Christmas Day:
“We fit Him in when it is convenient for us, but we become irritated when He makes demands on us.” Demands on us as a whole that can change the world if we only quit asking the world’s permission to speak for Him! Jesus’ impact on this world will always be limited because WE limit our boldness to speak the truth of His word….literally!
What part of this don’t you get??
Revelation 3:1-3 NLT
“Write this letter to the angel of the church in Sardis. This is the message from the one who has the sevenfold Spirit of God and the seven stars: “I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive—but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God. Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief.”
My boldness as of late has made many people uncomfortable and even questioning my intentions, heart, and marriage! Some even so called best friends we entrusted with our home and our hearts, disowned us because I was man enough to admit I have a struggle with lust. A struggle….not a STRONGHOLD! To me, that means that I’m like ALL other humans in that I have struggles, and I lack a perfect behavior for a perfect Savior. Who doesn’t??
Telling other Brothers & Sisters in Christ your struggles brings about a temptation for those who hold that vulnerability of others; to use that against them to cover their responsibility to their own struggles. In doing this they typically bring condemnation to those they’ve heard the hearts of because they don’t have the same grace that Jesus gives. It’s not possible for us to not judge others because of our flesh.
Even if my heart has struggled with the temptations of my eyes, I love my wife more today than ever because she has given me the closest resemblance of Jesus’ grace than anyone. I’m not afraid to admit my faults and short comings. I am not afraid to say aloud to Jesus and any other Christian that I am weak, but my Jesus is strong. Jesus is my purpose for this life I live. I may not live as even scripture encourages us to live; but with every breath I have my heart longs to be as close to it as I can.
I have had an affair on all who I love here on earth. I have chosen to love other things and people, give my heart to them and invest more emotionally in other people at times more than my wife, my daughter and my immediate family. I have given my heart away to many people and things that have stomped and beaten it, causing me deep scars….the lessons have been tough. I have even had an affair with the value of life itself….sitting numerous times with my life in the balance of not wanting to go on. Temptations knife sitting close by with the whispers of failure mimicking my ears. Each time though, I remember the one I’ve hurt sitting closer to me and reminding me of His love….
Each and every day I fail Him in some way. You do as well if you’re honest. We chose the lesser obedience and enjoy temporarily the moment of free will’s enticement. Yet the deeper part of your soul, designed by God for God, yearns for a satisfaction that only Christ can fulfill. The last piece of your heart that is crafted just for Jesus, yet we try to force everything else in. We continue to have affairs on our creator and our sustainer. Even worse….when we state we live and accept Him into our hearts, cheating on Him afterward hurts more.
So if you’re reading this….prayerfully reading this with an open and convicted heart, why do you have the affair? Why do you daily convince yourself that what your doing for Jesus is alright when we KNOW His word says more? Why when people boldly point out Jesus to us in one way or another….we get angry at them? Especially when in our heart we know it’s TRUE? Jesus wants our whole heart….wants our whole devotion….wants His love to reign supreme in us to others.
Why do you cheat Him?
Why do the motions only satisfy your witness and not the cultivation through the scars??
Hello, my name is Chad Taylor and I had an affair on my Jesus. But I am best known to Jesus as His son whom He loves. To the world I am a bugman, father, husband and even a failing pastor; but to Him whom I follow….I AM FORGIVEN AND LOVED FOREVER.