Cultivation of a new turf can be a daunting task for a new gardener. Depending on the dryness or the hardness of the soil will make the overall experience successful or a failure. Then you have to consider the seeds to which you plant and if the soil it’s planted in even has a chance to grow. If any or many of these obstacles exist gardening itself will be more of a challenge than a pleasure.
Taking the same mindset, I transition you into the desperation within my life….fatherhood. Raising my beautiful daughter I thought would be challenging at times and mainly pleasurable. Recently though this is not the case. The cultivating of her into this world, the nurturing and pruning of her rough spots have been unsuccessful. Her potential for bearing healthy fruit (if you will), is diminishing and wilting.
I work outside of my house, away from my wife and daughter 90% of the time. My chances for positive influence that will last are few and far between. I am known as “Daddy” and am greeted as such, but when the tantrums burst my guidance blows around like dust. There is no more frustration that builds so quick, as to have my only daughter lay another separation brick.
She’s almost 9 now and I’m telling you its not uncommon what we are experiencing. However what isn’t being told to me is a solution to the negative nurturing we are gardening in our desparation. She is smarter than a pointy tack and that’s a fact! She has a smile and laugh that can make you gasp, from the exasperated use of your air that is fading fast. Yet, underneath all of that childlike joy and excitement abound, this father fears is an anger of disappointment and a prison of wound.
Each day I leave, I feel her sense of cleave be less and less. Maybe it’s my heart strings being put to the test. Or maybe it’s a scotch thistle surrounding her innocence; making her room for blooming towards me a more fickle incidence. All the moments that I try to rake her free of these demands to my life; she tends to dig deeper her roots of tantrums masking her tears of strife.
I don’t want her to fear me when I’m home and I don’t want her to steer clear of her desires she holds near. She is apart of my sunrise and sunset; yet there is a huge gap amist in the middle that holds a ton of regret. While I tended my own garden of its weeds; she and mommy weren’t even able to plant any memorable seeds. The actual and the mini versions, to whom they are to each, seem to dismantle the plans of a relationship’s fruit to bear by simply being out of reach.
Seemingly unattainable. Overwhelming to the point of real harvested desparation. A life innocent of pain, unexpected circumstances, and sin’s tight grasp that stems from two already weighed down “parents”. Developing dreams and nurturing a growing fascination to outside character developments. She looks to us for guidance and encouragement. Resources of defense to life and temptation’s to stray. The example of the best & pure fertilizer to magnify the fruit grown in your life….Jesus Christ. Yet is this what she’s really getting in her garden?
Being a good parent doesn’t mean us being planting her seeds for her. It doesn’t mean us surrounding her with see through glass to give her the look of the Son with its natural nurishments. We can’t keep the weeds out….we just need to help pull some of them now and then to keep the fruit from being strangled to death! Gardening the life of a loved one is hard! Giving the garden all it needs is dang near impossible at times! But gardening desparation will lead the garden unsure where it’s roots need to grow and to whom it must look to for fertilization.
Jesus, we need YOUR Son to help us know where to go at this point. We need YOUR nurishments in all our lives (gardens) to help us bear the real fruit of survival (love & grace) to share with our little garden (Angel). Father please help me to seek you for all that I need in guidance for being a better father and husband; my wife to be graceful and patient with her weeds of anger, disappointment, and confusion. Jesus save us from leading our baby girl down a path of not relying on YOU to help grow her fruit to be healthy!
In Jesus name….AMEN.