Single, or Not Single?


The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NIV) Early words from God Himself when He decided to remove the man’s rib and create the woman. Have you ever wondered though why God stated it wasn’t good for man to be alone? That He made man a suitable helper….in the making of woman for him.

Why though? Why right when God made man in the same image as Him did He feel that he needed a suitable helper? If you continue to read scripture, God wanted the man to procreate and give honor to His creating of them both together as they are united as one flesh. However, do to the sin choice of Eve to eat the apple off the tree of knowledge, the corrosion of sin tainted the beauty in God’s intention for man and woman. In fact, God put that as part of their consequence for sinning! “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” (Genesis 3:15 NIV)

One word in that verse that stands out more than any of them….the word: ENMITY! In definition terms; He will put “a feeling or condition of hostility; hatred; ill will; animosity or antagonism.
“. This could be seen as the beginning of man’s need for courting women and ultimately competition! The natural resistance and enmity between sexes now makes the original desire of God’s for man (& woman) to have a suitable helper a real struggle and in some cases (because of sin) near impossible.

Another interesting point to think about concerning why we have this “checkbox” mentality of what our future mate must meet on our list of wants is HOW Adam & Eve respond to their “openness”. “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” (Genesis 3:7,10 NIV)” Notice their openness the apple gave them in sin was blindness to God’s perfection?? What God originally saw as good and not needing attention, SIN showed us shame; showed us imperfection in one another.


So are you meant for real Godly companionship? How do you know you have a “suitable helper” in God’s eyes? Millions of people are unmarried living a single life because they have either chosen that way of life or the search for a companion has left them alone in failure. Even though God’s intention was not to have man left alone; many chose to be single for many reasons. In my opinion, based upon the followed scriptures, choosing single life for a closer intimacy with God is acceptable!

The Apostle Paul writes “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:7-9 NIV) If your struggles lie within sexual temptations and your craving for companionship revolves around your uncontrolled desires for such; than your image of a suitable helper is severely tainted!

Why do you think Paul says that it is good for the unmarried and widows to STAY unmarried as he did? Think about it logically…..even spiritually….he devoted his life to having only intimacy with God! He came across in that scripture that having another person in your life relationally would cause your control to waver. Now don’t read into that statement defensively! I believe Paul is saying that the nature to be with that person is to procreate like God intended and our desires naturally will overshadow our devotion to the most high God. This to be right in the eyes of God, they must marry so that their passions are justified.

So your still single right now, but have a desire to be with that “right person” who God has for you….now what??
What do you think God is trying to tell you or show you during this “single” time? Looking at scripture again we can begin at Proverbs 24:27, “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.“. Work in order and fields ready? Does this mean you have to work until your career is over or until your field is harvestable? Not at all!


What I do take from this Proverb is that we need to take care of ourselves outside of God; meaning whatever we harbor as weeds in our wheat or thorns around His fruit; we NEED to prepare it for harvesting God’s intentions for our life! Only AFTER we do that can we build our house for His honest and real glory!

Instead though many of us, myself included, rush our feelings, manipulate our boundaries and “close our eyes” to imperfections all for the sake of “LOVE!” Unfortunately after-the-fact when all our emotions and hormones calm down, we’re realizing the bigger picture….”Oops”. An “oops” that has completely shifted your foundation in Christ and altered your commitment to what we desire to be for God. This is why Paul states in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?“. Think about it….once we’ve compromised our beliefs in any way, it gives Satan the control to keep wedging the distance and focus on God’s desires for us farther and farther apart. So we can’t allow our passions to sway our priority of God above all else!

Finally I want to tackle the assumption some may have about their (for lack of a better word) entitlement of a spouse. What do I mean by this? A dear friend of mine, a Godly man whose single and loves his God and daily attempts to devote himself to living for God….is constantly waiting for God to bring him his “perfect wife”.

Much of his viewpoint could stem on God’s original intention for man as spoken in Genesis; however he has stated he believes, “I’ll only give up being single for an exceptional woman. I deserve, as a child of the Most High God, to walk this Earth, and into Heaven, with a spectacular woman.” At first I didn’t know whether it was cockiness or expectation; however he described it as confidence. Yet the problem doesn’t necessarily lie in the personality of my friend, but in the word deserve.


What makes it deserving? Since the fall of Adam & Eve as we have seen, once SIN entered the equation, the deserving went out the door in God’s eyes as a punishment to sin. “It is not good for man to be alone…I will make him a suitable helper” isn’t a deserved reaction from God the Father; He just simply saw that a man needed a helper, a mate, someone to love & procreate with. He wasn’t deserving of that kind of purity once sin came in! We are still children of God’s, but we are sinful minded by our nature and this we can’t expect God to just give to us the same original level of relationship as the beginning when we’ve placed shame upon it.

As much as we naturally, physically and even spiritually desire companionship with the opposite sex; it isn’t about that relationship that should define our motivations or overall perception of God and how He loves us or lack there of. I’m desiring diligently to NOT sound judgmental towards my good friend, however I truly feel that God doesn’t just hand us over a perfect mate like He did Adam before the apple incident. In the same way Jesus spoke to His disciples about who is greatest among them in Matthew 20:26-28, “Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.“. It could be seen in this scripture and applied to this scenario that if my friend wants to find a “spectacular” woman, than she would be a servant/slave to Christ. In the same way, HE needs to be the same first for Christ before he would ever be great to the Father and in my opinion, be ready, great, good-enough…..whatever for that kid of companionship that God will bless!

To feel he is entitled to have a great woman because he is a child of the King is very selfish sounding since I’m sure the over 60% of the U.S. nationally today wanted that and felt they too deserved it originally before their divorce occurred. Those people even like Charles Stanley felt he had that Godly desired relationship and he serves The Lord in the light of the world more than even my friend and I combined; and he has suffered the sin of divorce the world spins!

So….after all this to ponder and pray diligently on….how do you feel about your relationship currently (if you have one)? To stay single or not to be single? Well, if you’re married and God is your true and real foundation….you have a glimpse of what God intended for Adam & Eve. If you’re single and wondering….Where is God in your total devotional lifestyle? Is He the center? Do you claim Him but not live as a servant for Him?. If you desire God’s love connection for yourself, I believe you’d better get busy listening and doing instead of sitting and waiting. You might die disappointed as He will be in you! 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s